quarter life not so crisis

been trying to make up some words to finally post it here.

ini omongan yang sangat "usia w bgt" neh. 

well, 22-23-24, idk if the counts still on, but accept it, its a funny year.

usia segini, jalan masing-masing bisa sebeda itu.
ada yang masih berusaha kelarin skripsi
ada yang masih terjebak di perkoasan :) yha kuliah itungannya
ada yang suda kerja dengan gaji 7 digit
ada yang suda menikah
ada yang belum pernah pacaran sama sekali
ada yang udah mulai ikut kelas pranikah
ada yang lagi sbuk ngurusin cicilan buat masa depan
ada yang bahkan gaji juga belum punya
it is so random that made it so funny.

sebenernya tren ngomongin masa depan ini udah sering gue dan teman-teman gue omongin
karena ofc umur segini bukan lagi ngobrol sebatas "eh besok kosong gak lo?"  atau " besok mau makan apa?"
tapi lebih ke "lo abis ini (re:selesai jadi dokter) mau ngapain tal?'
and its kinda make me scared actualy. tbh.
bukan karena gue takut karena gue gatau mau jadi apa---ya emang masih bingung, but time will tell--
takut karena umur gue yang segini, makin dekat dengat adulthood yang sesungguhnya
dan im not sure what i should do? am i taking the right choice? will the right path coming through?
i know being a doctor will always appear in my future, ya cita-cita :) and no i dont regret it.
senyinyir, sejulid, sesalty apapun gue sama segala perkoasan ini, no i never regret this.
karena nyinyir adalah 1 dari sekian fase kalo lagi down hahah jadi bear with it.
mau jadi dokter apa?
mau dimana?
mau ngapain?
ya pokoknya mau jadi dokter dulu.
untuk nabung, dunia dan akhirat :) insyaAllah.

pertanyaan lain yang sering terlontar diumur segini,"tal, lagi deket sama siapa sekarang" atau secara eksplisitnya ya "kalo lo nikahnya kapan?" seenggaknya pertanyaan yang ini gak bikin gue sepikiran kayak pertanyaan diatas he.
gak sedikit temen-temen gue yang bahas nikah. and the pressure will still goin strong kayaknya buat gue, karena yha well family tree told me so wk doeh cucu pertama dari keluarga bapak dan ibu :)
sejujurnya, gue gak terlalu khawatir, ya ada lah khawatir about 45% lol. jokes pada umumnya: calonnya aja belom keliatan ha ha ha doain aja adalah doa jadi ya doain aja ha ha. here i wanna give my own perception about this kind of topic sekalian deh. --kayaknya buat yang sering w jadiin tempat curhat tau kalo gue sering ngomongin ini---

1. tbh, i still dont get the point of taa'aruf.  ya disini gue gak menyalahkan atau menolak secara seluruhnya cara ini. tapi buat gue pribadi, to spent their rest of their life with us dengan seseorang yang mengenalkan dan mempromokan diri lewat cv? words can be made. belum lagi gue orangnya susah banget buat terbuka sama orang.. well yha social introvert it is. ini kalo kasusnya orang yang mau kasih cv dan dalam posisi gak kenal 1 sama lain ya. gue ngebayanginnya aja kok ya taqut wk. --yha kan bisa aja dikenalin dari temennya ini dan mau ngasih cv,,, yha....... iya kalo tmn lu kenal si tp kalo nggak kenal deket teh.... gatau gimana dianya heu. okay this is pure my opinion, cmiiw.

2. yes, i prefer someone that i already knew. atau udh deket aja kalo bisa. starting something from zero is kinda tiring lol. yha, again, gue gak menolak secara seluruhnya bila aq memang harus bertemu dengan orang baru. another problem yang gue sadari, halo ruang lingkup gue selama kuliah ya kok gini-gini aja ha ha. sebenernya kapan sih bakal ada paparan dunia luar yang lebih? pas koas udah terbukti sulit juga. pas udah jadi dokter? atau malah mungkin dari masa lalu?

3. i never support lg-bt but i watched a video about a gay man married his bestfriend which is a lesbian (i kno youtube suggestion is freakin weird lol) and when they asked why, he give an answer: "if you gonna get married, marry your bestfriend. while u're caring to someone you're caring for yourself." and i found it cute? lol. for this time, i find this word is tru.

4. u kno obrolan lo udah gede, when u discuss these kind of things with your friend, it not only about the physically --well its still matter, abit-- tapi lebih ke, nanti lo bisa menunjang masa depan bersama apa enggak? well its kind of materialistic, but trust me, girls can calculate, about everything. ya uang gak segalanya, tapi lo bisa idup gak tanpa uang, u have to survive kan.

-- look at my 23yo self talking about preference in my long life partner--

tau apa gue tentang nikah dan masa depan?

jujur kalau ibu gue ngajakin ngobrol, dan bahas hal-hal ini, im feelin like, i wanna run hue.
tapi ya apalah artinya masa depan kalo bukan buat dihadapain, ya gak?
PS:

my(every)day6

so hi this web~

sumpah tapi ini beneran sampe setahun lah baru post lagi

i actually been wondering to wrote something here
tapi kayak gajadi jadi mulu karena aku ended up memilih tidur wk
3 stase besar terakhir been wasting my energy and mood so easily tho, Anak- Bedah- Obgyn
doakan ya sisa perkoasan ini aku dan kelompokku dilancarkan!

wanna share a story about my latest concert :)
its been a really great day, it just beyond happy day.
a day that i hope everybody could enjoy a precious day like that, dalam bentuk apapun.
so here, i wanna spread my happiness.

so, Day6. not many people know about this men.
may people thought they're just that typical "kpop-choreo-oppa" thing
BUT, NO. it is NOT people.
they're ofc different.
they're a band after all & they cant dance lol
tau gaksi kayak yang band-band macem ARTTM, PATTD! yang bikin headbang and scream
ya bedanya... bahasanya korea.
apa yang salah kan?
here's a clip, u guys judge:

Day6 - I Smile (2017)

Day6 - Shoot Me (2018)

their latest comeback "days gone by"

dan masih banyak yg lain, termasuk video cover mereka

ya gue suka mereka juga gak baru-baru amat, setahunan lah.

denger dan liat video cover2 mereka, dan ada yang lagu barat juga gue suka.

pas mereka keluar album full kedua yg Moonrise, nah dari situ... wa edan si sealbum w suka

kayak beneran kayaknya gaada yg bikin w enjoy sealbum gini, even seventeen.

dari situ gue literally mendengar album mereka dan hapal aja lagunya.

di awal tahun ini, i got a feeling they're gonna come to Indonesia.

ternyata comeback kesini bertajuk "1st World Tour - YOUTH" bangga wa

first. world tour pula. ni band biasa kerjaannya jb acara yang banyakan gitu artisnya

jadilah gue berencana untuk nonton

dan yak adek gue juga sesuka itu sama mereka ---fangirl bareng

kita berniat nonton bareng huehue

berkat usaha gue mengumpulkan uang, dari job2 yang gue dapat selama koas,

akhirnya,

yak,

dihari keluarnya open ticket sale,

terbelilah tiket untuk w :") --bareng yayay, sarjan, ajenk

tetapi adikku belum gengs, dia masih berusaha menabung-nabung.

ya in the end terbayar hasil tabungan kita masing-masing, we'll going to the concert.

again gue masih harus melewati 2 stase besar yang memang tidak mudah sih melewatinya
terus kan gue kira bakal stase kecil dulu kayak mata-tht-dkk itu, TERNYATA TIDAK GENGS
tidak semudah itu tal
jadinya gue di ganti gitu jadwalnya, jadi ob/gyn :))))
yang pas tanggal konser, gue lagi jadwal jejaring.
sumpah gue sampe nyari semua possibility untuk pergi ke venue, yg gue ingetnya di BSD.
dah mumet pisan
dan hamdalahnya ternyata di Kokas yak pinter wk.
dan gue jejaringnya? di Sukabumi-----YANG SANGAT TIDAK MUDAH-----
mewek2 dah w di Sukbum berat banget pressurenya.
beneran penguat hari w di Sukbum adalah, gue cabut ke day6 :") beneran reward abis

tanggal 8 pun datang.
itu jiwa gue dah gak di Sukbum. literally tiap hari gue counting down wk.
gue naik travel dari Sukbum ke Kokas, yang ternyata macet hari itu  nyampe 6jam-an gitu

-di venue-

nyampe jam 12-13 gitu. mo nyari freebies, da udah pada mencar gitu.

jadi beneran nyari seadanya, senemunya aja sih.

SAD THING HAPPENED..

yayay kejebak di kereta.

freaking stuck dan gabisa jalan

sampe

kelar konser

dan

tiketnya

dijualsetengah harga.

SUMPAH SEEMS FAMILIAR GAKSI.

jinx abis gila beginian tuhh yg nitip ke gua wk

segala nunggu di venue tuh, karena kokas ya, beda bgt si sama ICE.
kayak ini mall gitu kan, jadi masi sgt terasa mallnya (?) lebih kecil kerasanya
dan lo tau
gaada yg jual official merch?? lyke woy ah
tapi positifnya sih, ini enaknya ada mushola.
buat konser ini pake queued number gitu, jadi lebih teratur. bgt malahan
tapi sialnya, walaupun gue beli awal2 dapet row AKHIR. kzl bgt emg msknya jd akhir.

situasiong nunggu~

lyke always, ada check sound kan. dan kedengeran gituu

trs kita2 pada fanchant gitu seperti fandom pada umumnya

tapi pas yeoposso,, gils aing nangis. reflex.

gatau kenapa kayak akhirnya beneran kesampean tuh w mo nangis bgt HUHU

kayak yg nangis literally berair wkwk gebleq emang

tibalah ketika masuk,

jujur w kaget si wk. kayak emang.... lebih kecil dari ICE,

tp enth kenapa si stagenya dikasi pager dan buat jalan gitu kan dan buat kerasanya gede gitu (?)

jauh bgt tapi parah dari stagenya

but well the point here is,

sejauh apapun lo nonton day6

seberapapun row lo

di bagian manapun lo berdiri,

sumpah gaakan kerasa jauh, 

KARENA SEASIK ITU.

kayak lo literally loncat2 parah sih

lyke i really enjoying the show

SO MUCH.

half concert, lagu yang mereka bawain tuh jumping semuaaa. gilak capek bgt gua aja yg enjoying

beneran lagu beat dan loncat dan tereak semuaa. gilak gue beneran appreciate mereka bgt

terus tengah-tengah tuh ada omong-omong gitu kan

jae shout "its always good to be back here" uwu im flattered

setelah 3/4 lagu

yang gue tau bahkan highlight2 lagunya belom dibawain

si wonpil bilang dengan enaknya

"yak kita udah di penghujung acara, gue tau sedih banget..."

pen w bekep mulutnya astaga

ni orang kalo ngomong banyak gaya

"yak emang sedih banget, gimana kalo kita mainin dari awal lagi?"

*mainin piano lagu intro*

*penonton triggered*

*dia nyegir2 aja*

HAHAHAHHA DUDUL EMANG. 

ni ampe gue download video orang wkwk

baru lah pokoknya pertengahan kebelakang lagunya yg highlight2

kayak i like you- letting go- pretty you - congratulation

yang emang lebih slow gitu.

gue pamerin ini kesemua orang nih, myday choir that amazed Jae

karena kita nya tuh nyanyiin part Jae di Congratulation emang bangga w jg

sampe dia bilang,

"uWoOOoo, yaudah kalian aja yg nyanyi!"

*mengarahkan mike ke penonton*

ni orang gabut banget emang wkwkwkkwkw

YOU GUYS HAVE TO CHECK THIS GEM

sumpah lucu banget si pas akhir2 dia bilang melulu

"this is so beautiful, kapan2 gue mau kesini dan mainin gitarnya kalian aja yang nyanyi,

ya gue tau si IM GONNA IN TROUBLE FOR THAT"

yhaaa menurut ngana aja wqwqwq

karbitan ni

konser ini isinya emang myday karoke diringi langsung oleh bandnya

ada 1 (dari sekian hal indah lainnya malam itu) yang bikin gue kayak.. touched?

in every ending ment pasi ada kayak cuap2 lah dari membernya

nah yang paling menyentuh adalah kata-katanya YoungK a.ka Brian

dia bilang *in english*

"you guys, promise me that you guys will stay happy. 

if its not possible, try as hard as you can to stay happy."

*and he showing us his pinky promise* ----monang lg

youve done great, bb~

freebies~~

i really cant explain much about that night

but one thing for sure

i really hope u guys experienced this kind of "beyond happy" thing

dalam bentuk apapun.

dari  hasil kerja peluh kalian

karena u guys deserve it, in any kind of happines!

PS: hoping you guys a great year ahead! i know it wont be always good, 

but i know we all can passed it rite? tons of lucks, loves & prayers for you all <3

another letter

dear,
someone who (used to) said, you wanna be my 'London Eye'-- and i yes it is related to this & i just realized how cringey am I--
my (used to be) dimsum buddy
my (used to be) movie partner
my (used to be) someone that i felt comfortable, even im our silence
my dear, always, be friend

if you ever come to visit here, thank you.
but if not, just let the universe lead you.
it just me, cant say this, or even just copy-paste all of the content here to you.

hi.
this post doesn't mean to rant or trying to teaching u anyway. my thought is openly written here.
been wondering am I alright?
no i am not.
but life is go on, so what is my excuse.
i did cry. a lot. even wigmar & amy really can bother about it anymore lol. from our last chat about overing it, takes me 2-3weeks or more, i guess.

finally, that time when i'm feeling like i do can accept things, like a storm, u freaking post a snap of a girl. rite. before. u post my gift. wow.

i did speculate things:
you really such a jerk u got a replacement
ah, not yet, no, u are not that jerk
she is maybe just a friend
but
but
but
etc
i really always see the s i l v e r l i n i n g in everything & with all my 'geniusity' pretend that there is still hope. dumb.

u know,
how afraid am i to finally took back your helmet? this. because of this. i know somehow by having ur helmet back you got the new one, the new replacement of me.

and here we are.

yes,
all my speculation and theory(ies) is true.

kinda relieve you got someone on your birthday, right :) bless, you, dude.

the first time you did your effort to "do things" to me, somehow i remind myself, you may did the same thing to me in the future. got some replacement after the break up, just in a couple of days. i did scared. i did.
i rarely have this kind of thing
i even rarely have another gender, try to make a move for me (i guess, never, in collage. lol i kno im a noob)
i rarely have that romantic things u did
i rarely got someone taking me as priority
and
you came
with all the hopeful hope
something that sweet
& yes i never got that.
day by day i keep telling myself to try to trust you, as you said.
to trust you, that youre not a flirtation bastard.
to believe, you really did try, and not thinking this is just 'main-main'
to finally, at least, can help you, to heal you, you said.
and yes, that day by day i did fall for you.
you got me.

i adore your honesty
i adore your sweet talk
i adore how passionate you talk about phone stuffs, magang
i adore you really dont judge me from eating too much lol (even after seeing me eating ceker :()
i adore how you really do have some courage by taking risks with all the 'penipuan' things & not giving up
i adore your cutie side of yours, lol

by saying 'its on me' u said, from the past, well i thought, just maybe, u finally realize it is wrong & somehow want to change it & with an open heart i really did trying to help.

3 months, really a short time.
i saw us, could have another more time, maybe, just maybe in the future, to finally making the relation could go further & deeper. too many untold stories that i thought maybe, just maybe, could be tell in the future.
i thought, we still have time.
& again, yes, finally my theory is wrong.

it's not about the quantity,
but the quality, they said.
again, yes, i just realized this.

u said your priority changed is the reason.
-- i accept this. i still think (again, a stupid hope) you may need your time alone.

u said you dont want to start everything from zero, u tired.
-- what a bullshit way to approach someone. and stupidly, i do believed you. you said you tired, but look at you, easily got another one. let me tell you something. the way to not restart anything from zero, meeting new people, is by embrace what you had. someone that finally let their heart for you. you finally got a way, so you just need to walk through it. by walk to it, that means, accept their quirkiness & walk the way together through every up & downs. don't lowering your effort. gak sekali dua kali akhirnya dikasih kesempatan sama orang, to finally giving you way, open up gitu sama orang lain.

u thought, i know your new one, and i'm okay just judging from my response with ease like nothing happened
-- well, f*ck u. wqwqwqwq. of course not, duh. i responded like that, because, yes im trying to didn't make anything awkward. gak mau memutus silaturahim & apa yg salah dgn gue bantu orang yg nanya dalam kebingungan kan.

kesel? iya gue kesel
cried? yes i did cry.
why i cried? i felt really trashy.
i literally told you how i always felt left out, rite.
that is my exact feeling.
kata lalabohang, on her book,
the feeling being left behind, there is always that hopeless feeling of loss and grieve. it is simply because nobody likes rejection.
and exact feeling that i'm afraid of
& you always confines me thats it's on you, but i cant help that feeling of being guilt i guess. by there is a replacement, i keep looking is it really something on me too that make you looking for another. of course i have some lacks but idk blaming myself is never really stop. lol. i kno kno i should stop. but, like you said, maybe its on me.

but, hate? no
like i said, i always believe there always a silverlining in everything & there always be 2 side of point of view in every story.
i do still friend of you, rite?

please keep this in your mind,
yes what you did was awful
but just don't take any pity of me :)
it is somehow just things that we should walked by, i will heal somehow somewhen, insyaAllah.

no, gue bukan sok suci or just being nice.
im not trying to impress anyone too.
i do really trying to be nice to people,
i treat people the way i wanted to be treated. so, yha, its on me i guess. lol

what you did, is something that i really thankful, so, yes, thank you so much for the rides (and literal rides). really appreciate your efforts then.

this always gonna be my favourite verse on Quran:
“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you And perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. Allah knows, while we know not" (Q.S 2: 216)

wishing you the greatest in everything!

PS: if YOU felt like YOU are the one i talked about, let me know, plz. just so I know the message has been received! you can talk, friend.

C Y C L E

actually i planned to post this in the beginning of December,

and i postponned
postponned
postponned
till i heard the news about Joghyun Shinee
and decided to make a room to share about it too in this post
ya mohon maaf aja kalo gak nyambung lol
feel free to skip fangirling thing
tapi jgn lupa liat paragraf akhir lol

jadi, to completed my sadness this last month, Jonghyun Shinee died.
gue gapernah sesuka sampe ngefans dan jadi fandom mereka sebenernya.
tapi gue inget banget, exactly a year ago, gue kepoin shinee gara2 Damar WQWQ nerbener ni anak.
nonton weekly idol, dengerin sealbum 1of1 because its freaking gooodd, nonton segala behind because theyre freaking hilarious, gue gak suka tapi theyre unique lol jadi ya nikmatin aja.
well, pernah jadi salah satu yang mengisi hari-hari gue, it is something tho.
dan gue pernah bilang somehow "gue paling suka Jonghyun masa" simplyy because he's underated lol tapi abis itu ya ganti2 bias akhirnya, ya tapi idk he take some spot there somehow.

berita meninggalnya tuh hari Senin pas bgt gue lagi nginep, di Nangor---iya kuliah di bandung ujian di nangor, makes me turning back bandung nangor, kzl wk--- pas besoknya mau UAS a freaking CRP dan BHP yang wallahualam terserah mood dokternya mau ngapain, bareng ajeng rana sarjan dan beberapa manusia lagi, dan iya ambyar. setidak fokus itu karena ujung-ujungnya kita updating berita jonghyun tuh sesorean diselingi baca slide. dan yeah well im pretty messed up, sedang tercecer-cecer pikirannya trs gue gak fokus wq.

singkatnya setelah setelah peruasan crp&bhp kelar, lucky me, gue OSCE Rabu, which is besoknya, dan iya UAS CRP sampe jam 3-set4, balik bandung nyampe jam set.5. halo ini h-12 jam osce loh pak buk. secapek itu. sepanik itu. sehelpless itu. emang gabisa ngapa-ngapain sih selain, yauwes usaha yang bisa gue lakuin juga nyiapin buat osce gitu. (and btw, yg gak tau osce, iya gue harus ngehapal about 15 station :>) Nyampe kamar, gue ambyar wq.
gue nangis lol
idk why, gue nangis.
well, to make it sense, i told people karena nangisin jonghyun wq
it is make sense tho
abis baca suicide notenya dia, sedih aja gitu
well iya a freaking Jonghyun took a suicide dude
& somehow gue ngerasa like, i feel u gitu ke dia baca suratnya hue
semua lagunya juga emang kasih sign gitu
seeing how depressed he is dan how he tries to make others to be not like him
he care about others
but he feels like he dont have one
yha the one who smile the most, is having pain the most ceunah
sometimes, i kinda put my self in that place si heu
gue patut gak sih nulis gini well.

terus yang lucu adalah, gue lagi bosen dan abis nangis dan capek, ke kamar wigmar berniat untuk mencari motivasi dan melanjutkan belajar, nyampe kamar dia... dia lagi nangis LOL. terus in the end,
kita
nangis
bareng.
terus nangis jelek faq wkwk
HAHAHAHA FREAK BGT ASTAGA.
i cry in front of someone that i comfortable tho hihi
so yha
felt honored if i cry in front of you

for the past week (or a month?), its been a though week for me
kalau di pelajaran Family Medicine semester ini, we learnt how to manage someone in the stages of dying, because its doctor job to... handle them and making sure they're died nicely. so there are 5 stages:
1. denial
2. anger
3. bargaining
4. depression
5. acceptance
gak semua orang ngelewatin tahap yang sama, katanya.
ada yang 1-2-3 lalu langsung 5 tanpa ada fase ke 4
ada yang terjebak di fase 4
well, emang beda-beda di setiap individu, setiap orang beda
gue dimana? probably 5. or 3? or 4?
wqwq
gue sampe suka mikir.. yaAllah jangan sampe depresi gilz
trs gue dengan jonghyun meninggal gara-gara depresi kan
naudzubillahminzalik yaAllah

setelah apa yang gue lewati,
this stages is aint just about dying thing.
its about "how people try to handle a bad news" stages thing :))
is it easy? no
never
lyke duh?
adapting is not easy
im not always ready
and making myself ready is not simple dude
well ya especially, im not that easy to trust people
it is never easy for me
but when i do i ended up believing one
i am lefted
and feels like... its so wrong to finally trust someone
is it my fault to take a longer time?
or is it my fault to finally believing one?
yes lucky me ada orang yang mau menampung gue lol
to making me still on sense wqwq sumpah gue kesenggol dikit fragile lah
walaupun selalu kelintas di pikiran gue
duh gue ngebebanin orang bgt
pls bgt tal they have a hard time too
gaenakan gue
maafin gue huhu
kalian tidak tau seberapa gue amat bersyukur punya kalian,
pi, ka, wig, put, my, de thankz
atas segala encouragingnya
:((

why i always ending the year before sooca and ended it pathetically tho LOLOL
gapernah sih emang gak stress kalo lagi uas mah
dan iya gapernah gak merasa lonely gt #ea
and thats probably the reason why i ended up coming here every year or coming back to twitter
because
just because lol.
cerita ke temen2 deket gue probably help me a lot, tp kadang ya itu gue mikir
mereka juga sooca gilak
mereka jg stress
mereka jg capek
mereka jg.. juga capek aja
kayaknya gara-gara itu its always easier kalo gue bacot sendiri disini
well
ya
emang kadang butuh respon balik
or even just a "goodluck"
even a "you've done a great job,tal"
it probably will make everything sense.

2017 served me a very very very nice journey, out of my expectation actually.
awal masuk tahun ini tuh
hoping to jumped up to september to finally watched a concert for the first time
it was probably the best month this year hihi
with some sparks that happened, that i surely never thought would happened.
lewatin kkn, thanks god ive done trough it
& realizing how fun&beautiful is making new friends diluar per-FKan, sumpah
a freaking surprise birthday dengan standing bannernya, yang jumbo pisan
melewati sebuah step perkuliahan, a freaking skripsi dan sidang akhir
-- and realizing how lovely and thoughtful of people by giving me roses. sumpah. ini chessy abis sih. tapi knowing someone really thought of you terus ngasih bunga pas sidang tuh seenggaknya bikin gue merasa belong to somewhere.. i guess--
dipercayain jadi koor publikasi-dokum-desain buat syukwis,
dan ada aja yg nyalonin gue jd pj batchbook, walaupun w tolak wqwq
yaAllah senang masih dipercaya orang-orang sebenernya, gue kira udh byebye psd
((tapi mohon maaf bapak po-nya beban banget lol, gadeng yog))
tahun 4 yang masyaAllah lagi diuji bgt rasanya Proxima :( lagi super jadi kambing hitam
lyke yaAllah ada aja masalah. tahun ini proxima lagi dizholimi bgt
semoga dizholiminya ini bikin kita jadi sukses sampe kelar ya prox :(( sad
highlight tahun ini emang jatuh kepada movie buddy dan dimsum buddy ku hihi
how grateful i am to be someone place to talk to, sumpah, i dont even mind
well i dont even mind if i have to do it again tho
yaAllah kalo dipikirin lagi juga emang manis  cukup fana bener itu, im grateful enough
trs pgn lg wq
hoping you the greatest kok <3

gatau sih gue keliatannya suka lebay bgt kalo ada yg perhatiin gue,
and yes probably myself fault kalo gue suka merasa left out, karena merasa gak diperhatiin
karena in the end emang yang selalu gue bikin gue mikir adalah
"am i belong to someone? am i belong to somewhere?"
everytime i got attached to something or someone.
ini gak cuma melulu tentang loveydovey thing kok hue
semakin tua makin gede making dewasa
its all about how you feel comfortable.
did u have someone that making u feel like it ya gaksi
padahal point dari pertemanan dan having someone is, ikhlas.
lol well thanks yud gue numpang liat di tumblr lo
tapi iya itu exactly yang gue pikirkan.
yang jadi some silver lining gue for some longlong time
"Ikhlas kasih apa yang kita punya, syukuri keberadaan mereka dan tidak mengharapkan respon balik yang sama... setiap orang berhak menjalani hidupnya masing-masing"
gue masih belajar jg buat gak terlalu posesif
u just cant easily did it, lol it comes naturally apalagi sama sesuatu yang lo kira punya lo
fully
but actually not jg gitu kan
semua orang punya jalan masing-masing

-----------------------------------
sumpah ini isi postnya super tidak nyambung dan random pisan
cuma butuh keluarin unek2 dan gabisa menyambungkan dan merangkaiya menjadi beberapa paragraf yang nyambung wq like anyone care tho
ya bersyukur kalo ada yg mampir dan liat
u dont have to feel guilty
because its not anyone faults
its not like u mean it
you all have done your great job kok
semangat kalian
semangat kamu
semangat aku

hayuk mau sooca dulu semoga lancar dan ya seperti doadoa biasa mau sooca,
dapet case yang gue kuasai, dosen penguji yang baik dan hasil yang memuaskan.
masi panjang deng
masi ada pracoass
coass
wisuda
syukwis
sumdok
ukdi
yaAllah masih panjang yha wqwq
semoga kuat
semoga dikuatkan
semoga ada yg menguatkan hihi

bole gak doanya buat 2018, its gonna be another rough year,
boleh gak aku ada yg nemenin biar seenggaknya enteng dikit? HIHI
semoga lancar dan bahagia dan sabar dan sukses sampai another moremore year

PS: and yes tal (and anyone who read this),고생했어. pls be happy & make others happy too. 
think about others but never forget yourself :)